Well, you know, God is so good.
We have been so blessed over our couple of months here. Between going to Grace Adventure, finding out about our baby's arrival in April, my husband being able to complete and pass a semester of college, amazing friends and family, and SO many things.
But, our biggest struggle is judgement.
Judgement.
Why do people have to judge us so much? Insist on my husband getting a job? Insist that our daughter get in school (which IS going to happen now)? Insist that we have answers?
We don't.
And, we can't. At least not yet.
We know that having a baby makes everything "up in the air" a lot more. We don't know when he will arrive. We don't know if he will be perfectly healthy. We don't know if I will be perfectly healthy after the delivery. We just DON'T KNOW!!!
I just wish that there was a way to say - "you know what..... we don't know".... and that be OK! I just wish that we could do what we think we should do - without people's judgement. I just wish we could do our best to be a "returning from the field temporarily" missionary family, and do what we think is right, ask the questions of the people we think we need to ask the questions of... and NO ONE question it.
It's so hard sometimes.
But, I know that God has us here for a reason. I know that we needed a break. I know that we needed some time in the US. I know that there are people/situations that we have already made an impact on and that have made an impact on us - and that's only a small part of why we are here.
Finances are so hard right now. You don't know - you just don't know - anything about what the next month will bring. Will we be able to wash our clothes? Will we be able to take care of things that we need to?
You don't know how to make sure the house stays clean. You can't go out and buy all the items needed to keep a small apartment "more organized".
So, you do the best you can.
And, some days... like today.... the apartment looks like a tornado hit it. But, you know what? Last night - we watched a movie together as a family - we laughed, we cried, and we enjoyed it TOGETHER. We rarely got to do that in Honduras. I find those times the most rewarding these days.
I don't feel great. Doing little things takes everything out of me. But, I'm finding it SO important to keep a little busy, because I get VERY restless. So, here I go. I will work on some crosses today. Hopefully get Makenzie in school tomorrow or the next day. Do some work on some baby things the following day. And, try TRY to be as "normal" as I feel like I should. And, TRY not to let other people's judgement affect the things that I THINK should be done.
I'm grateful for friends. I'm grateful that they listen. I'm grateful that they cry with me. I'm grateful that they love me for who I am. I wouldn't be sitting here if it weren't for them. Thank you, friends, for not judging me!
I really was not trying to vent. But, I also really needed to write this.
